Equanimity.
It’s not a word we use often.
At its heart, it simply means inner steadiness —
a calm, open presence in the middle of life’s ups and downs.
The ability to stay with joy without clinging.
The ability to stay with pain without pushing it away.
We speak about equanimity as if it is a skill to master.
As if, with enough discipline, enough silent retreats, enough body scans, we will one day finally “achieve” it.
But equanimity is not something we manufacture.
It is a quality of the awakened mind.
It is what remains when grasping softens.
In traditions like Vipassana, we are taught to observe sensation without reacting — to neither crave the pleasant nor resist the unpleasant. This is beautiful and precise training. It sharpens awareness. It reveals impermanence. It exposes the reflex of craving and aversion.
But something subtle can happen in practice.
We begin trying to perform equanimity.
A strong sensation arises — and immediately a manager appears:
“Stay calm.”
“Don’t react.”
“Don’t get attached.”
“Do it right.”
That micro-movement of control is incredibly human. It’s intelligent. It’s protective. It wants safety and success. But it is not equanimity.
Equanimity is not suppression.
It is not neutrality.
It is not flattening the emotional landscape.
It is intimacy without interference.
An awakened mind does not feel less. It feels fully — but without clinging.
Pain can burn through the body.
Bliss can flood the system.
Grief can crack the heart open.
And still, there is a deeper stillness that says:
“Yes. Even this.”
That “yes” is not forced. It is not a strategy. It is not spiritual performance.
It is the natural openness of awareness itself.
So here is the paradox:
Equanimity is already your true nature —
but we practice it from a state that does not yet fully remember that.
We practice while still identified with the one who manages, controls, improves, and evaluates.
And this is not a mistake.
Practice is not about becoming enlightened.
It is about seeing clearly what obstructs what is already here.
Each time you notice grasping, that noticing is awareness.
Each time you notice aversion, that noticing is spaciousness.
Each time you realize you’ve been lost in story, the moment of realizing is already free.
Equanimity grows not by suppressing reaction —
but by including even the reaction in awareness.
When the mind tightens around pain, that tightening becomes the object.
When bliss arises and fear follows, that fear is allowed too.
When the manager appears to “do it correctly,” that manager is welcomed into the field.
Nothing excluded.
Over time, something softens.
The practitioner relaxes.
And what remains is not cold detachment —
but warmth.
Because true equanimity is inseparable from love.
It is love that does not cling.
Love that does not control.
Love that does not demand a different moment.
Equanimity is the heart resting in reality.
And perhaps this is where another doorway quietly opens.
If equanimity is intimacy with what is…
then learning how to love is learning how to stay intimate with life — even when the moment feels imperfect, uncertain, or tender.
In our next Monthly Online Meeting, we’ll explore this together:
Learning How to Love — How Life Teaches Us to Love
🗓 Saturday, April 4th | 🕓 16:00–17:30 CET | 💻 Online via Zoom
🎥 Recording available for all who register
🤍 Donation-based — contribute what feels right and accessible for you
You can read more and join here:
https://www.eventbrite.nl/e/learning-how-to-love-tickets-1983887594199?aff=oddtdtcreator
And if you feel called to explore this more deeply in person, you are also warmly welcome to join me on one of my upcoming retreats — spaces where practice, silence, movement, and shared presence allow love and equanimity to be revealed, and not only understood.
You are warmly welcome.
With love,
Esther
Learning How to Love — How Life Teaches Us to Love
90-minute live online session | Saturday, April 4 | 16:00 CET
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Date: August 30 – September 6, 2026 | South of Portugal
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